Sometimes in life, things come up. Life is crazy and life is precious and we don’t always realize what a tentative grasp we have on it. A couple weeks ago one of my friends lost his father. It was sudden and unexpected and it jarred me even though I hadn’t met the man more than a few times. I knew I wanted to go to the memorial service because that kind of thing matters to me a lot- not memorial services per se, but showing up for people, making an effort to be physically around them when life is hard. But then I found out the service was in Pennsylvania. I briefly considered making the 18 hour round trip drive anyway, but decided pretty quickly that was a bad idea. I also considered flying to DC and then borrowing my friend’s car to drive the 1.5 hours from there. But again, decided that the $300+ tickets for the following weekend were a bit impractical. And so I determined that I wouldn’t be able to make it and came to terms with that reality.
I have this thing that I do where I come up with plans that are completely impractical and then do them anyway. That’s how I’ve decided to go to Europe like half the times I’ve gone, and that’s how I make smaller decisions, too. And so far in life it’s been working out alright for me. I’m gonna keep sticking with it. So, with less than 24 hours notice I decided that I would, in fact, drive to Pennsylvania for the memorial service. At least it was with another person and not alone!
And also, it was one of my goals for the year to seize presented opportunities and this seemed like an opportunity to show up with support for a friend when I thought I wouldn’t have been able to. It was perfect.
So Friday after work we left. It was a long night. We got to York, PA just before 4:00 Saturday morning (the picture below pretty accurately exhibits how extremely tired I was upon arrival after being up for nearly 24 hours and driving for 9 of them), slept for a few hours at a Motel 6, and pulled ourselves together, did our best to look relatively presentable, and made our way to the funeral home.
Which was unreal. It was seriously the most beautiful funeral home I’ve ever laid eyes on. I heard from someone that the building used to be a private residence that two elderly sisters lived in and when they passed away they asked that it be used as a home for aged, unmarried women- whether they were never married or were widowed or whatever. No idea how it went from that to a funeral home, but it was seriously beautiful.
The service itself was also beautiful. There were several “remembrances,” and the one my friend gave was a lovely portrait of his father, a man who was complicated just as everyone is, but who loved his children a whole lot and was passionate and witty and delighted in the world around him. My friend’s remembrance was also written in his unique voice and style and had me smiling throughout, despite the sad nature of the circumstances. He didn’t know we were coming down from Maine for it, and the look he gave us when we walked into the room before the service was so full of surprise and disbelief that it made the drive worth it.
After the service we made our way to the local country club and enjoyed a luncheon at a table where we got to meet all sorts of interesting new people. It was a warm and comforting experience for me, and I think for the other people who were there (namely those who knew the deceased much better than I). It was great to spend some time talking to my friend about the time he spent the prior week with his siblings going through their dad’s things, determining what to keep, and going through his poetry, making editorial decisions about them.
And then, less than twelve hours after we arrived in York, we got back in the car and began driving home. Throughout my life, on roadtrips with my family particularly, I’ve found that just riding in a car together is often the most memorable part of a road trip. And while I’m not sure that’s true in this case, it was nice to take time listening to music that I’ve been listening to a lot right now (rap music. Hahahahaha. Like Childish Gambino, Chance the Rapper, and Frank Ocean), and music that I’ve loved forever (like Death Cab for Cutie and the Rent soundtrack), and music that is timeless and empowering (like Beyonce) and even the entirety of the Hamilton soundtrack for the very first time. And it was nice to talk about life and my plans for the coming year and how driving through Newark at night is like the set of a creepy dystopian YA novel. You know, normal conversation stuff.
And then, after getting only eight cumulative hours of sleep in two nights, I got sick for all of last week. But that’s okay. Also, just about everyone I know was sick too, so I might’ve gotten sick regardless. And I lived! Besides, the weather in Pennsylvania was so glorious while we were there I didn't even need to wear a coat. It kinda felt like we drove through the night to get to a tropical vacation. So I deem the whole thing #worthit. Here's a picture of me fully enjoying the sunshine.
After the service we made our way to the local country club and enjoyed a luncheon at a table where we got to meet all sorts of interesting new people. It was a warm and comforting experience for me, and I think for the other people who were there (namely those who knew the deceased much better than I). It was great to spend some time talking to my friend about the time he spent the prior week with his siblings going through their dad’s things, determining what to keep, and going through his poetry, making editorial decisions about them.
And then, less than twelve hours after we arrived in York, we got back in the car and began driving home. Throughout my life, on roadtrips with my family particularly, I’ve found that just riding in a car together is often the most memorable part of a road trip. And while I’m not sure that’s true in this case, it was nice to take time listening to music that I’ve been listening to a lot right now (rap music. Hahahahaha. Like Childish Gambino, Chance the Rapper, and Frank Ocean), and music that I’ve loved forever (like Death Cab for Cutie and the Rent soundtrack), and music that is timeless and empowering (like Beyonce) and even the entirety of the Hamilton soundtrack for the very first time. And it was nice to talk about life and my plans for the coming year and how driving through Newark at night is like the set of a creepy dystopian YA novel. You know, normal conversation stuff.
And then, after getting only eight cumulative hours of sleep in two nights, I got sick for all of last week. But that’s okay. Also, just about everyone I know was sick too, so I might’ve gotten sick regardless. And I lived! Besides, the weather in Pennsylvania was so glorious while we were there I didn't even need to wear a coat. It kinda felt like we drove through the night to get to a tropical vacation. So I deem the whole thing #worthit. Here's a picture of me fully enjoying the sunshine.
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