This fall I am not a full-time student for the first time in my life. And it's a little bit traumatic. A few weeks ago, after traveling to different corners of the world for over a month, I was home for about ten days before packing up my car and moving halfway across the country to Minnesota. I didn't anticipate how hard it would be to move across the country until after I'd done it. And to be honest, if I had realized how emotionally exhausting it would be I probably wouldn't have. But after making a fairly abrupt decision and naively thinking I could do anything I wanted and succeed, I applied for a job out here and made my first solid plans for my post-college life.
Minnesota is beautiful, but it isn't Maine. I miss home, familiar places, the general comfort of small town life. I've learned that the suburbs are not the same as towns. Not at all. As much as I don't really like cities, I actually kind of hate the suburbs. Praise the Lord Maine doesn't have them.
And it might get better. I know that it probably will get better. In fact, it has already gotten better than it was during the first week. But I still just feel so out of place here. Every once in a while I realize that I'm not in college, that right now is my "real life" and I'm spending it coasting along, staying in my friend's parents' basement and working at a job that in no way counts as a grown-up job. The fact that this is my real life terrifies me.
Minnesota is beautiful, but it isn't Maine. I miss home, familiar places, the general comfort of small town life. I've learned that the suburbs are not the same as towns. Not at all. As much as I don't really like cities, I actually kind of hate the suburbs. Praise the Lord Maine doesn't have them.
And it might get better. I know that it probably will get better. In fact, it has already gotten better than it was during the first week. But I still just feel so out of place here. Every once in a while I realize that I'm not in college, that right now is my "real life" and I'm spending it coasting along, staying in my friend's parents' basement and working at a job that in no way counts as a grown-up job. The fact that this is my real life terrifies me.
Put on your ruby red shoes, click your heels, and say "there's no place like home; there's no place like home..."
ReplyDeleteI miss you, sweetie! We ALL miss you. You are brave. You're not nearly as far away from home as you were last year in India or this summer in England, Scotland, and Norway, but it feels different this time. I know you will be fine, but I would still love you have you closer...have you home. Maine...the way life should be. xoxoxoxo ~mama