I Can Hear the Bells

A few weeks ago, I was lucky enough to get invited to an Indian wedding. One of my friends here in Coimbatore was friends with the bride when they went to college together and the invitation he received was also extended to "the foreigners." So one of the other ISP participants, Morgan, and I headed down to a place called Trivandrum for a week-long break called Pooja holidays (that is, a week-long break from school because there were Poojas, a Hindu ritual, and Bakrid [otherwise known as Eid al-Adha], a Muslim holy day). We traveled by train for the very first time! It was interesting. Honestly, it wasn't as bad as people had been mentally preparing me for. It helped that I am little so that my feet didn't stick off the end of my bench-like bed in the sleeper car. At every stop, chai and coffee wallahs troll up and down through the train cars calling "Chaichaichaichaichai" and "Coffeecoffeecoffeecoffee" with an accent so thick you can barely understand them (think "Peanuts! Get your peanuts here!" at a baseball game; those people are American and I still don't know what they're saying half the time). But they don't only sell drinks-- there are dishes of biryani (a rice dish that is considered a national specialty but is prepared differently everywhere), plates of vada (a savory doughnut-like fried snack), and so many other things to choose from. And that's just what they're peddling ON the train! If you have a longer stop, you can leave the train to buy other things at the station.

When we got to our stop, the bride, whose name is Siji, and her mother were there to pick us up. Morgan, Poornith (the friend who invited us), Sonali (another friend of the bride who was our travel companion), and I crammed into our small cab with the two of them and the cabbie. Siji's family lives in a sort of complex. It's difficult to describe because there isn't really any relation in America, but there was one main entrance to the street with several of her extended family's homes back there. Even her grandparents were buried behind the houses! Because we were staying with the bride's family, we had behind the scenes access to Indian wedding preparations.


The day before the wedding, the bride gets all dressed up and has a kind of reception in her home where she receives her extended family members, family friends, and just about anyone who wants to come wish her well and see her off. They all pose for the camera standing next to her, and each visitor gets a piece of candy before they leave. This goes on for hours as people trickle through. The last people to come are the representatives from the groom's family-- basically, everyone from the groom's family except for the man himself. They bear all the gifts that are traditionally given to the bride for the wedding day; platters of fruit, flowers for the ceremony the next day, her wedding sari and veil, even her shoes and undergarments arrive on big silver trays in the arms of the groom's mother, sisters, and cousins. After dropping these items off and posing for the thousand obligatory photographs, the groom's family leaves for home again and everyone heads to bed for the big day.

This part of our stay was particularly fun for me because I got to hang out with the group of Siji's friends who were attending the wedding. Of all the people that were there, only six of the guests were the bride's college friends. They arrived at the beginning of this event and stayed til the very end despite the fact that the four boys were staying an hour away because one of them was helping photograph everything. While Siji was receiving guests, the rest of us all sat out on the porch chatting and having fun. It was a unique experience because at our college, boys and girls don't really interact. At all. So other than the only boy in my ISP group, I've barely even talked to guys since I got here. It was fun to just sit and shoot the breeze with a mixed group of males and females. Then, Siji came out and joined us for a while as she waited for her future in-laws to arrive and we all sang "action songs" together (basically songs I learned at China Lake and they sang during their years leading chapel choir at BACAS).

The day of the wedding was intense. Siji was fawned over by all of her female relatives. We were supposed to leave by ten at the latest, and didn't get out of the house until after ten thirty. Morgan, Sonali, Jenny (another friend of the bride) and I were shuttled in a minibus with the rest of the bride's family to the church where the wedding was held. The service was more than a little boring. Because it was a Christian wedding, they have VERY traditional vows and ceremony. There were hymns and LONG prayers said during the service, and even an entire sermon by one of the important clergymen. After the service was the first of two official receptions. It was in the same church complex as the ceremony but in a different building. The bride and groom stood on a stage and received hordes of guests, again posing for pictures. This was also the part where they fed each other and their families cake.


After the first reception, the bride goes home with the groom's family and they new couple is fed bananas and milk. Those two items represent something, but I don't remember what anymore. Meanwhile the rest of the bride's family and our group of friends retreated back to Siji's family's home to rest and change for the second reception. This was the one we wore our saris to! One of the aunties helped Morgan and I get dressed. We left with the family in two minibuses and trekked an hour and twenty minutes to the site of the second reception. This one was at night and was much fancier than the first. Again, the newlyweds were on stage, receiving guests, taking presents, getting photos taken. Also on stage was a whole scenic setup behind them including live doves! The photo ops with the couple are really awkward because not only do they take your picture, but the entire thing is filmed by video camera. As in, they make a video of you standing there and smiling. So uncomfortable. Anyway, the food at this reception was delicious! It included American-style dinner rolls (something I haven't had since being here)! And there was ice cream for dessert. Yum.

After the reception, we were bussed back to Siji's house to sleep for a few meager hours before getting up to catch our train. We did a lot during those few days, but at the same time, much of it was only sitting around and watching people interact with the bride. What I concluded is that being an Indian bride is really exhausting because you have to act so enthusiastic toward everyone, even when you don't know who they are. And there are a lot of people that you don't know who they are! So strange.